


Just a child

by Starstorm10



Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, Child solider reference, Dysfunctional Family, Family, Feelings, Feels, Minor Character(s), Other, Realization, Regret, Sad, Shinigami, Spoilers, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-09
Updated: 2015-07-09
Packaged: 2018-04-08 12:40:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4305456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starstorm10/pseuds/Starstorm10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ichigo is just a child no matter how many battles he's fought or hollows he's killed. He's really just a human fighting the war for the dead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes Isshin forgets how young his son really is.

Isshin is a goofball. That much is obvious but he's also a father. Although not the most reliable one, to two little girls(twins) and a son.He is a father. And while he has a son it's easy to forget how young he really is. It's easy to forget when his son has stopped crying and has been able to help raise two little girls, gets straight A's and as been able to kick him in the face since he was eleven. It's easier to take care of the girls ( at least one of them calls him Dad). It's easier to talk to them who don't really know about Masaki(he misses her more everyday ). It's easier than talking to his son who wears his mother's death on him like a cloak. When the closest they get to communication is flying kicks to the face.

It's hard to remember that his son is 18 and not 30

It's hard to remember that when he can beat lieutenants with only a shiki. When his reistu is as strong as two of the strongest Goitei 13 . Or when he's constantly hanging out with all things spiritual. Half of then trying to kill him or 200 times his age .

It's easy to forget when the smiling nine year old who was a crybaby with too bright orange hair is replaced with a scowling teen who can't remember the last time he smiled but still has too bright orange hair.(just like Masaki)

When the boy Tatsuki used to defeat who would runaway crying to Masaki now takes on grown men twice his size. (He misses that open face)The little boy who used to hold his hand and call him Daddy now will only call him Goat-face.

It's hard to remember Ichigo is a child because he's fought hollows and arrancar who might not have been too far from being human, and hollows with a figurative heart. It's hard to remember a little boy when he's saved the human realm,shinigami and all the souls in existence .When Ichigo has defeated a crazy megalomaniac with a God complex so powerful that captain's who are centuries older than him couldn't beat, him, deafeated a man(king)who might not have been so far away from being a God himself. When the person who understands the megalomaniac the most is ichigo himself.

It's hard to remember his youth when he's at home and watching the girls while Ichigo is out at war.(sometimes Isshin hates Ichigos name "he who protects" because who's protecting him?) It's hard when Ichigo' s breaking down grudges older than time. When he smiles and accepts that his only living parent(who actually isn't alive at all) has been lying to him all his life. When his father lets him fight a war he really didn't need to fight if his father had just manned up and unlocked his shinigami powers years 's ago. It's hard when his son lets his father be a coward instead of responsible and the protector of his own children.

He has trouble thinking I'm proud of this boy instead of thinking what a fine man when ichigo' s blade shines with resolution and he knows to never falter and always move forward. He fights his battles alone and accepts what life throws at him. Ichigo smashes through barriers that no one could break, no one thought you could break. When his son comes home bloody and bruised and wraps his own injuries never asking for his help (a doctor and his father has he rePly fallen so far?) It kinda hurts. It's hard when his son can out strategize even him a former shinigami captain. When people constantly gape at his amazing potential.

Ichigo' s potential for growth is something people always talk about he wonders if it's because he was forced to grow up to fast.

It's hard to remember Ichigo is just a child no older than 18 .

But when it's late at night and Isshin wakes to the sound of muffled screams. Even in nightmares Ichigo holds it. That's when Isshin becomes a father. As he goes inside and immediately has his arms full of a 18 year old who's shaking and trembling because the arrancars were entirely to human, and people died in that war. He destroyed someone who despite being arrancar just wanted to understand what it meant to be human. His son muffled sobs over a war he shouldn't have fought in. A war someone alive shouldn't have fought in. The living have no place with the dead.A war that wasn't even his to fight. Crying because he's missing pieces of his soul. His soul who takes the form of someone older, someone meant to teach,to lean on,to rely on.(was he that bad of a father that when his sons soul weapon,meant to be with him forever. For him to lean on and trust manifest as a father figure?) He paid the price of his soul to save everyone, a sacrifice. And Ichigo is to young to be making sacrifices, to be ripping away a piece of his soul just because of the way he was born Quincy,hollow,shinigami and most importantly human. To young to be a pawn to Urahara's plans to fix his own mistake he should have fixed himself,no never created.

So when Ichigo cries openly in his arms that's when Isshin remembers. With arms wrapped around him and hands almost clinging Isshin remembers the way Ichigo had clung to his sister's after the war as if they would disappear . The world weary face he wears when he think no one's 's looking. That's when Isshin remembers he has two daughters and a son who is not a man but a boy despite how mature he acts.

So when things like this happen Isshin remembers Ichigo is a child so he pats him on the back,whispering nonsensical comfort, and holds him till he falls asleep face smooth without a scowl or wrinkles of fear because even if he messed up in the past Ichigo is just a child so there's a future ahead of them .Most of all he remembers this is his son.

Still it doesn't mean he doesn't tease him when Ichigo wakes up with a hand clutching Isshins shirt.

They don't ever mention the way he cried and clutched on his shirt like a lifeline but when ichigo leaves in the morning with a gruff thanks, Isshin knows that he's depended on and thinks at least he's doing something right, guiding his boy into adulthood.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Urahara knew he had done wrong by ichigo. He knew he wasn't a great man or even a good one. Urahara had done many things he can be proud of but the only thing he can feel is regret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> despite my trashy existence I have brought you chapter two. It's been sitting in my brain a looooong time. Anyway sorry ahead of time for bad grammer and spelling I know it's bad but this isn't edited. Anyway dont own Bleach if I did it would be awful and never update. Hope you enjoy.

Urahara knew he wasn't a good man. He knew it in the way that even after creating the hokage and realizing it's danger he didn't destroy it.(they called him brilliant he was such a fool)

He knew he had started the war, refusing to destroy something so dangerous when he knew , knew Aizen was after it.(his student , his failure) 

So yes Urahara Kisuke wasn't a good man.

He knew regret though. Regret for Aizen, for not stopping him, not seeing it. He regrets taking away the vizards futures , while he didn't do it himself his invention did. (His blade is perhaps fitting considering all the bloodshed he caused invertedly or not.)

He ruined futures because he was selfish. He regretted getting Yoruichi his dearest friend and Tessai lauded as criminals and yet, he still keeps them close.(He was so selfish) .

So he creates Uryuu and Jinta to make them the kids they'll never have(his atonement)

He buys the vizards an abandoned warehouse and tries,tries,tries (not good enough) to help them.

He dedicates hours, years trying to fix their problem(his mistake)

Urahara regrets a lot of things but most of all Urahara regrets Ichigo.

He knows ruined that boy.

He regrets not being there for Ichigo .

He regrets not saving Masaki. Letting her die all for his plans his manipulations. Because without her death , Ichigo his hybrid (his greatest masterpiece)will never grow strong.

He regrets not explaining to Ichigo what runs through his veins, shinigami, Quincy,and hollow. When it becomes obvious Isshen won't.

He regrets sending Ichigo to soul society , to fight a war he had no part of .

He regrets killing him because how did Ichigo think he got his powers back .He cut his soul chain which tethers him to the living. Kisuke killled him because he was to much of a coward to face the monster he made. Ichigo thanks him and he wants to scream.

When Ichigo returns bruised and beaten he wants to bow his head and offer his neck but he can't. Can't lose the mask he wears. Can't answer the questions .(won't his mind whispers when he sleeps, to much of a coward is what he knows when he sees Ichigos slumping shoulders)

Urahara is not a good man. he knows this and sometimes he wishes others would see it to.

He wishes when Ichigo thanks him for training, When he takes the place as mentor, sensei, teacher. That he doesn't deserve and didn't earn.

Sometimes he wants to scream and cry it my fault as the the guilt crushes him.

But while Ichigo is his biggest regret.(sending a child half trained,half dead to fight a war he has no part in) he's also his biggest point of pride.

His pupil

His student

Sometimes when it's dark and he's all alone he thinks (his son)

Ichigo who toke three days to master bankai which usually takes people centuries

Ichigo who beat his inner hollow

Ichigo who squares his shoulders and keeps moving forward.

Knowing he had a part in that, in shaping him. That is Kisukes pride

And while he knows,knows,knows that he's a selfish,cowardly man full of regrets the one thing he won't regret when he dies is that despite all the wrongs he's done to Ichigo he had a part in making him who he is today.

That is Kisukes pride.

His will.

He swings his blade so he can destroy his regrets


End file.
